Sometimes I feel like crying because I feel like a machine.
I see people with passion and longing.
And I don’t know what that feels like.
And I’m not enough for my husband.
I have always had a hard time accepting that people didn’t understand other people’s experiences of sexuality, gender, identity, etc., because it was easy for me to put myself in their shoes. I could imagine feeling like I didn’t belong in any of the prescribed gender roles for female or male. I could imagine feeling sexual towards someone of the same sex as me. I could imagine being in love with more than one person at any one point in time, but I can’t put myself in the shoes of an asexual person. Not that I know what it feels like to struggle with your identity and sexuality exactly, or that I can even come close, because I identify with the way I was socialized: I am a ciswoman, and I am heterosexual. I am such a sexual being, and not having that drive, that innate part of my general state of being, is inconceivable to me.
That being said, I really appreciate learning about asexuality because it challenges me intellectually and allows me to experience what other people feel. That others cannot conceive of being transgender, homosexual, etc. is much more conceivable to me now. I feel like I better understand how it is hard for some people to accept what has been culturally, religiously, and socially unacceptable. Not that any of that is ok, but now I know the struggles that they have in even considering the possibility of someone identifying as the sexualities and genders that are stigmatized by society.